Friday, February 4, 2011

Zebras

Hey Wild fans!
In this edition of "The 5-Hole" we'll be discussing one of those commonly voiced yet rarely editorialized subjects in the game...the officiating!
Throughout this season it seems there's been more consternation than ever before about the officiating.
The officials in the NAHL are up-and-comers, hard at work trying to climb the ladder of levels in an effort to arrive at the next one above the Junior-A plateau, learning right along with the players and coaches during each and every game.
In my book, a good official is a consistent one. They might have a propensity for letting a lot of potential infractions go uncalled or they might be cut from the "ticky-tack" mould and heavily scrutinize just about everything during a game.
I don't really mind it either way, as long as they are consistent about it.
I will admit that when there is an apparent lack of knowledge about some of the basic or even advanced portions of the rulebook, it does frustrate me just a tad. But again, at this level the officials are still skating with their training wheels on.
One thing that isn't common but does show up from time to time is what I like to call a "fruit striper".
Why this ridiculous sounding name you ask?
Well, do any of you remember chewing something as a kid called "Fruit Stripe" gum?
This stuff tasted atrocious and was made by our friends at the Beech-Nut company (no I did not get paid for calling them "friends").
The wrapper featured a cartoon zebra who's stripes weren't of the usual black and white variety, but rather a colorful mixture of many colors (presumably of those represented on the sticks of gum) so as to stand out from the rest of the herd.
This mythical creature from the land of high-powered advertising directed at children is an all too real life form in the sport of hockey and can leave a similarly putrefying taste in your mouth by game’s end.
So to further answer the question of what this creation is all about, we’ll need to explore part of what makes a real zebra tick.
In the wild, zebras wear their stripes in order to blend in to their surroundings and avoid being captured by would-be predators.
Just the same in the sport of hockey, the natural intention is that the officials coalesce into the game's backdrop in order to unbiasedly interpret the play and enforce the rules when necessary.
Of course, just like in nature, every once in a while a lone zebra strays from the herd in an effort to showcase how much better his markings look than all of the other animals on the prairie. There’s your "fruit striper" all right!
These pompous defectors who would risk the overall safety of their own kind in order to showcase their selfish flamboyance generally fall victim to the law of the jungle out in the wilderness by getting chomped down by a hungry lion or gnashed on by a smiling crocodile.
Unfortunately in the game of hockey, the men clad in these stripes are in fact, the law of the jungle. So the adjudicators that stray do not fall prey to the fearsome beasts that they might face in the natural world, although they may have to endure a snarling rabble of fans and steady stream of venom spewed forth by the players and coaches.
Ultimately however, there will be no separating this fortunately rare and artificially banded anomaly from having an impact on the outcome of the contest.
This metaphorical example linked to a disappointing product from my childhood is just one in a litany of many that are possible to present that revolve around how poor officiating can leave a negative impression on the sport and it's many games played.
But alas, I don't really wish to make the focus of our entire time chatting about the refs to be all bad.
In fact, I must say that I believe it takes a very special type of devotee to the sport in order to perform one of it's most thankless tasks.
The job at hand every game is an undoubtedly ungratifying one by weight of the external factors involved to be certain.
Just about every whistle blown for any reason, along with every whistle that could have been sounded by one individual perception or another, will surely draw the ire of almost every single person in the building, and even those watching or listening to the game half-a-world away.
That in itself has got to be a tough fate to realize before even getting dressed for work.
Besides the abuse the officials subject themselves to during each and every contest, they also go vastly under-appreciated for a number of other duties that all those surrounding the game seem to take for granted.
Firstly is their ability to consistently have a positive influence on the game by communicating a mantra of balance to the players who are involved.
If you sit close enough to the action or have ever been in some way involved in an actual hockey game yourself, then you know how much talking is always going on throughout the entirety of play.
The officials have as big a role in this nuance as anyone else does, and the best ones use this banter, along with their body language and occasional interventions to enforce the rules to set a stabilizing equilibrium for the entire game.
You must know already that there are many games that could get way out of hand which don't because of this factor! (even though you fans love it when there is a ten car pileup during a game ;-)
Another aspect to an officials repertoire that goes largely without thought is their physical ability and skill at keeping up with the play.
It's often been said by many sports junkies that basketball officials are the best athletes among those who police our favorite pastimes. I heartily disagree with that conclusion myself, believing instead that hockey officials should crown the list without a doubt.
Think about it. They can all skate at very high levels, and do so without a pause for breath during long intervals, and always while remaining ever-vigilant, with a watchful eye to all of the game's activities.
The officials also have to be tough as well. They are in the line of fire at all times, and we have seen many absorb the pain of a booming slapshot, get clipped with a stick in the face or even get barreled over by a hulking defenseman in full pads and gear.
Oh, and I’m certain they have all had to gut out being repeatedly spit upon by tirading coaches and players. Remember too, that they also have to break up a brawl at least every-so-often!
However, the biggest item that I feel goes completely unappreciated by many in the game, especially the fans, is the sheer love of the sport that so many officials possess.
Contrary to what most assume, many officials have no desire to interfere with the game at all. Quite the opposite actually. The officials get the best seat in the house to soak up the very essence of the sport even though they have a job to do, and most have no desire to cause a tremor in the beauty of it’s fluidity.
Coaches love to think the game, to strategize and win. Players love to showcase their physical abilities and to compete. Fans love to eat hot dogs and consume copious amounts of their favorite beverages while they are entertained.
All of those folks love the game in their own way. But each and every one of the officials who I have ever known or been around has a passion for the game in an incredibly deep and profound way.
It's as though there is an ardor for hockey's very constructs in the most fundamental of ways, in addition to any and all of the strobes of minutia that twinkle within that universe.
Going too far in saying all of this, am I? Consider this question then; "would you want to be a hockey official?" And if so, for what reason? Is it for one of purity and the desire to keep the sport's balance in check? Or is it because you think you'd look real good strutting around the ice in those multi-colored stripes?
Yes, it's true I'm afraid. There are bad calls, and even bad officials I suppose, and there always will be. That's just the nature of this beast...the human!
In an age of high-tech gizmos that are ever-replacing the factions of humanity's theoretical shortcomings, there simply is no substitute for people. Even when they make mistakes. After all, it's part of a game that was invented, played, coached, watched and enjoyed by people.
So the next time you come out to a game at Town Toyota Center and you don't like something the officials have called. Let them know. In your loudest and most obnoxious voice they hope. Don't worry, they're used to it. They expect it. The game’s very existence depends on it.
And while your at it, just stop and think to yourself how much fun it would be to bark your emotional ravings at a robot instead of those unacknowledged humans in zebra's clothing. Yes, even the one’s who look like our old vile tasting pal from Fruit Stripe Gum {:o)





Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Hey Wild fans!
In this edition of "The 5-Hole" we'll sound off about...sounding off!
First let me say that I hope all of you had a great Christmas and New Years.
Speaking of New Years, I must confess that I had originally planned to chuck the ever-predictable "resolution" blog at you all for our latest installment.
But alas, I am once again several weeks tardy in finally working up a fresh blog for the web site, thus it seems that by default there is no way such a topic would suffice. We're simply too far into 2011 now to be thinking about what we might do differently this year than in the ones previous.
Besides, I've always wondered about the timing of the whole "New Years resolution" thing anyway. I mean, I fully understand the concept of starting over with a reset of 365 days to work with (366 every four years).
But seriously, doesn't it seem as if everyone is just too dang hung over from an entire month (or "season") of shopping, trimming, baking and/or cooking/roasting (as in chestnuts for the latter...we hope!), decorating, caroling, charging, paying off and charging again, wrapping, unwrapping, returning, flying, driving, riding the rails, and drinking all of that egg nog to really make any coherent sense out of a commitment of any serious variety to ones own self or to anyone or anything else for that matter?
No!
Nonetheless, if you've made a resolution or two for the coming weeks and months ahead, I wish you all the best with it ;-)
So, rather than taking a head first plunge into that unchlorinated county pool, we will instead be delving into a completely different subject that was strangely inspired just the same by the celebration of New Years.
It was actually my reference to broadcast cohorts Pat Norlin and Rich Haney as "party favors" when on air during the pre-game warm for the December 31st contest with Fresno that gave me the idea for us to chat about "sounding off"!
Now, I'm sure that when you were all younger (or maybe even to this day for some of you), you probably had some raging parties for various occasions like a birthday for example?
And I'm certain that at some point along the way, someone introduced you to one of the world's favorite and timeless accoutrements for any big bash...the noise maker!
Most of them that I can remember seeing from my youth looked quite strange. So bizarre in some instances, that it was almost as if you had stumbled across something you really weren't supposed to see or have in your hands at all.
Some of these carnivalesque curiosities looked like old cans of sardines with rounded corners and a little plastic handle that, when cranked, sprang the internal coggery to life with a tinnish yet inexplicably festive clunk.
Another entertaining implementation of shrieking shindiggery is the paper blowout or paper horn. Come on, we've all seen them, and we've all used one like a relentlessly annoying snake to repeatedly lash at someone's face while it wails in rhetorical agony to further the victimized revelers pain.
Of course there are many more, and you can rack your brain to think of as many as you like when it comes to partying.
But, my big question for Wild fans is "in what way do you prefer making noise when at Town Toyota Center for a hockey game?"
Do you use any of the aforementioned devices to try and rattle the opposition and root on the home boys?
Or do you have a special toy that's even more maddening and vociferous? I know that I have seen someone in the crowd with a big long trumpet looking thing that it blue in color and appears to made out of Nerf!? I call it the "Muppet trumpet".
The air horn is a very popular distraction for any venue these days and has become a mainstay for those fans looking to call as much attention to themselves as possible.
Thundersticks are a more recent advent for the purpose of echoing chaos throughout a sports arena. You can exercise a free set of these for yourself if you attend the game on Friday, November 14th.
And then there's the cowbell...oh yes...the dreaded cowbell! That seemingly innocent and quaint little charm used by our farming forefathers to help keep an audible account of their wandering livestock that has been so devilishly upgraded by shameless 21st century promoters to give away in heavy volumes as a novelty and thereby create the most infuriating and frenzied cacophony known to all of human kind when resonated in unison.
I must admit, after being in the radio and television biz for over a decade now, it takes some kind of ruckus to distract my veteran focus from the task at hand. But the cowbell, at least when vitalized in quantities of more than a few hundred, absolutely drives me to the very brink of total insanity!
Even the cushy and padded headset that I sport when working which completely covers and protects both of my ears cannot offer sufficient protection from the torturous clamoring of all those cowbells!!
Well, now that you know what the canker of my sportscasting career is, have you been able to figure out what your favorite discord is to create when taking in a game at TTC?
OK, I get it, maybe you're a pureist? You don't need some fancy horn to toot or bell to jangle in order to disturb the peace. All you need to conjure up some bedlam is your big bad voice! Right?
Yup, I'd have to say, that's got to be the number one choice among most fans to vocalize their general feelings about the game.
Much of this manifests in the form of yelling or hollering, and it can be either positive encouragement for the home boys or as vicious ranting at the opposition and the officials. Especially the officials!
This verbalization might be a slew of clear and precise statements or take the form of slobbery and nonsensical gabble. In the latter you are apt to also detect any of the following; hissing, spitting, crowing, face making, tongue jabbing, raspberries, cooing, heckling, jeering, whistling sounds, a variety of hand gestures and of course booing.
There's nothing quite like a few thousand folks all looping their lips in harmony and making that unmistakable resonance of discontent...BOOOOO! Hah, love it ;-)
Whatever the case may be, I hope you will all be out to see the three games coming up at Town Toyota Center this week when your Wild battle the Kenai River Brown Bears.
And when you do arrive at the rink, I sincerely anticipate that you will all feel unencumbered enough to make as much noise in whatever way you choose to cheer on the Wild and give the Bears some heck!
Just remember to be the great and classy fans that I know you are by staying in control of those awe inspiring vernaculars at all times, especially when addressing our visitors from Soldotna and those fellows wearing the stripes.
Oh, and on the note of air horns, you might want to find out if these are a go inside the arena. I'm actually not certain myself, but I know that in some stadiums they have been banished!
Just promise me you won't all show up with your cowbells on ;-)
See you at the rink!
Chris Hansen is the play-by-play voice of the Wenatchee Wild and can be heard on gamedays with Pat Norlin and Rich Haney at AM 560 KPQ on radio in North Central Washington and online at FastHockey.com…his web site blog, "The 5-Hole", will be updated at least once a week here at WenatcheeWild.com